And so it was…
I have now turned 30.
I had all these big plans regarding what my birthday post would be about…
For the last few days I planned on writing about how age is just a number, and how the human spirit is essentially ageless, but then as I got ready for work this morning I received a text message from the boy I like and with a smile inspired by doing something memorable to mark the minute of my birth, I thought of writing about all the things and people I feel fortunate to have in my life. Later in the morning the boy indicated that he didnt want to be with me and, suddenly deflated, I considered writing about how life is a massive practical joke, setting you up for fall after fall.
After lunch, and a chat with a close friend, I realised that most of what I am disappointed about in life are things that I never had, and therefore never had to lose, so I pondered the subject of emotional maturity, and the moment when you outgrow childish fantasy and accept that life simply “is”; only disappointing or fulfilling based on what you expect of it, and how having high hopes and optimism is a foolish move for anyone who wants to be happy in the long run.
My work day drew to a close and I headed home. Standing at the traffic lights I felt a touch on my shoulder and there next to me was a friend from high school who I had not seen for a long while. We promised to catch up soon, and as I continued my journey I considered how random it was to have run into her today of all days, and thought that musing over the comings and going of people in your life would make for an interesting post.
The mother rang me as I waited for my bus, but the idea of writing about the woman who brought me into the world was more than I could bear. My father didnt even contact me today, so I decided against writing about him either. My brother actually didnt contact me either, but dwelling on the men in my life and how they disappoint me only led me back to the previously dismissed subject of unmet expectations.
Once home, I intended to have a night of taking photos, watching DVDs, knitting and reading… the things that make me happiest. But I didnt do any of them. I drank wine, ate a fairly unoriginal dinner and settled in front of some rubbish television.
So I decided not to write anything, except to say that I am now 30, and I am as OK with that as can be expected, under the circumstances. I feel a little empty right now, not sad, but certainly introspective. Despite that, this is the best birthday I have had in years.
