Mothers Day Angst

Its mother day this weekend.

I would like to say that I have mixed emotions about the day, but in truth, all my feelings are negative - either anger, sadness or emptiness.

I haven’t spoken to my own mother in over 18 months, and before that brief but ill-fated rekindling of our relationship we hadn’t spoken in over 4 years.  There is nothing good to come of us interacting, so it’s easier to get on with my life as if she doesn’t exist.  I don’t know if she feels the same way about me, and I don’t care.  When people ask about my family I say I don’t have a mother, and that honestly sums up how I feel.  I don’t have a mother now, and I never did.

Another different yet equally strong sense of sadness comes from the fact that I know I will never be a mother myself.  Not only did I waste my most fertile years raising a child who I was technically married to, but at the end of that part of my life I found out that during those fertile years I was in fact as barren as I could be, and I remain so to this day.  Without the most advanced technological intervention that medicine can offer, I will not be able to conceive or carry a child.

Even if I were to decide to attempt it, the timing would not be right.  I am in the most selfish phase of my life at the moment, happily back on my feet post-divorce and on the cusp of having a delightfully easy going relationship evolve in to something that one day we might consider thinking about turning into some sort of long term arrangement.  Maybe.  I enjoy sleeping in.  I enjoy spending my money on myself.  I enjoy having my blood alcohol limit over 0.05 for most of the weekend.  I don’t want that to change right now.

My choice of partner is another factor, because he already has 2 children from his previous marriage and isn’t keen on having more.  As much as I adore his son and his daughter, I do get the urge to strangle them more than is probably healthy, and the thought of having to go through sleepless nights, nappies, toilet training and tantrums in the 6-8 before they are only THIS annoying makes me sick to my stomach.  I’m sure its different when it’s your own children but right now I can’t see myself being patient or tolerant enough to manage it.

Should I suddenly become clucky and launch myself into the hilarity of hormones, blood tests and IVF I fear that the best of the worst of my child bearing years are already behind me.  While exact dates escape me at the moment, I believe that my sisters first miscarriage occured when she was 32.  Five years and too many dead babies later, I am still too emotionally exhausted to consider being more than just a passenger on the freight train to grief and permanent infertility especially since I am that same age now myself.

For the sake of hypotheticals, let’s say I successfully conceived.  My sister told me years ago that as much as she would want to, she would not be able to be happy for me, or supportive in any way of my embarkation into motherhood.  Her own grief is too strong, and her sense of loss would only be compounded by that betrayal on my behalf.  While she never used that term herself, I feel that having a child when my big sister couldn’t would indeed be an act of betrayal.  Despite the fact that she no longer speaks to me either, I would still feel like I was taking something away from her, and the guilt I would feel prevents me from even considering it.

A few years ago, I actually gave her a bunch of flowers and a mothers day card, because she did so much more to raise me than our mother did, and I wanted her to know how much I appreciated it. I couldn’t spend 9 months pregnant and go through delivery without my sister by my side.  She means more to me than almost anyone, and I miss her so terribly.

In summary: Happy Mothers Day to all of you who have mothers or are mothers.  I hope your weekend is filled with love and laughter and all the happiness you can stand.  I’ll be sleeping in and drinking.  Excessively.



Snarky

Either I’ve been a real bitch today, or I’ve been a real bitch magnet, cause I’ve had to snark at 6 complete strangers today.  I say “had to” because its not like I wanted to be a bitch, oh no, they forced my hand.  I wasn’t even in a bad mood or anything!

Snark #1

I was on the train on the way to work and this little Asian woman wasn’t holding on to the hand rail, so when the train jolted, she fell right into me.  I mumbled “Dumb ass” or something similar and she goes “You dumb!”.  I chuckle at her and say “Don’t you have a hotel room to clean or something?” and she retorts ”You! You a stupid girl!”.  I put my finger to my mouth condescendingly and go “Shhh!” and put my head down, continue to read my Kindle and ignore her until she gets off the train.

Snark #2

At the IGA near work, I stopped to get a drink, and a guy pushes in to the line.  I give him one of those incredulous looks like “I can’t believe what a brazen asshole you are” and motions as if to generously let me in front of him.  I remain where I am and say “Oh no, you go first, you’re obviously very busy and important.”

Snark #3

On the way back to the station after work, one of those annoying charity muggers (from WWF) tries to pounce on me with the line “I can see from your tattoos that you like animals!”.  Without making eye contact I say “You don’t know shit about me, lady,” and keep walking.

Snark #4

On the train I go to sit next to a chick about my age who has her handbag on the spare seat.  I smile and say “Excuse me” (because I’m usually very polite to people if I’m going to be sharing a seat with them) but instead of moving her bag, she just pulls it a little closer to her.  I say “OK then” and sit on her bag, which she suddenly manages to pull out of my way.  A few stations later she stands up to get out and says “Excuse me” to me.  I smile and stand to get out of her way and say “Ah, you found your manners!”.  She scowls at me and I keep smiling.

Snark #5

A young school kid was standing in the way on the right hand side of the escalator, which as everyone knows is the side you walk on.  As I am directly behind him, I take it upon myself to provide an education, and lean forward, whispering loudly in his ear “Move, or I will push you.”  He moves.

Snark #6

At the IGA near home, I stop to get some stuff for dinner and while there, a woman knocks some noodle cups off the shelf and doesn’t pick them up.  One of my favourite staff members is also in that aisle packing things and I shake my head at the carelessness of this woman and pick them up, saying “Allow me” to the chick who doesn’t acknowledge me.  The staff member thanks me and I keep shopping.

When I pass the same woman, I accidentally (honestly! They have very narrow aisles!) bump into her.  She turns to me and says “You could say excuse me!”.  I turn and say “And you could thank me for picking up the shit you knocked off the shelf!”.  She huffs and puffs and says “I didn’t even know I did!” and I reply “Yeah, because you’re oblivious to everything going on around you.”  She smiles bitchily and says “Well thank you then”, I motion to the staff member who is still watching us, and say “Its OK, she already thanked me.” And I smile and walk off.

In the next aisle the same woman catches up to me and says “If it was you, I wouldn’t have been so rude!” and I say “Yeah, you would have” and go back to ignoring her.

Later, she is ahead of me in the line, and after she gets served, she stops in the shop doorway and says loudly and sarcastically to me “Have a nice day!”.  I see everyone in the line turn to see my reaction so I smile as pleasantly as possible and say “Fuck off idiot.”

It was awesome.



Bingo!

Back when I was married, my ex used to play poker. Most week nights, as soon as the last mouthful of dinner was swallowed (sometimes sooner), he would disappear to whichever pub was listed as the venue hosting that evenings tournament. He would slide that little card out of his back pocket, glance up at the clock and predictably say, “I’m just gonna head out for a bit…”. I learned to hate that little card, and there was more than one occasion on which it almost ended up going through the wash when it was left in his jeans… accidentally of course ;)

Part of me thinks that if he hadn’t gone out so much, we might not have broken up. I’d have to say that on average, he went out to play poker at least twice a week for each of the 48 whole weeks we were married. Eventually I got so used to not having him around that getting rid of him seemed to make more sense than keeping him. It came as quiet a surprise to him… I guess my poker face is better than his.

Even on the nights he was home, he was playing poker online, and although he said he was winning money, I very much doubt if that was true.

Poker never was my scene, otherwise I might have gone along with him. I much preferred staying home knitting, reading, writing and doing other nanna type activities. In fact, the last time I recall going out with the specific intention of taking a gamble (besides getting married LOL!) was when I used to play bingo at the RSL club with the gay boys. We won meat trays and Tupperware and pissed off lots of old ladies. It was awesome.

If we had been able to combine our pursuits, I’m sure things would have ended very differently. For example, if we combined my love of Bingo with his desire to play games online, we could have been happy together playing Foxy Bingo. I probably would have won a massive jackpot and then when we inevitably divorced, I could have taken my prize money and bought a gorgeous little bachelorette pad somewhere in the city, where I could continue to play Bingo to my hearts content and he could piss off to the pub and play poker by himself like a big loser.

Someone needs to do a cover of Lady Gaga… Bing-bing-bing-bingo face, bing-bing-bingo face! Hot.



Books I Read in 2011

Just as I did in 2009 and 2010, I kept a list of all the books I read in 2012.  Last year however, I discovered GoodReads and so I am also recording my reading list there, complete with reviews and individual ratings.

While those years saw me get through 18 and 28 books respectively, in 2011 - thanks in part to my Kindle acquisition - I got through 37 books.

  • A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius - Dave Eggers
  • Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
  • Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson
  • Justine - Marquis De Sade
  • The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho
  • The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night Time - Mark Haddon
  • Killer - Stephen Carpenter
  • The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
  • The Importance Of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde
  • Brains: A Zombie Memoir - Robin Becker
  • Cannery Row - John Steinbeck
  • Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk - David Sedaris
  • Kafka On The Shore - Haruki Murakami
  • Women And Other Monsters - Bernard Schaffer
  • Cycle Of The Werewolf - Stephen King
  • Under The Dome - Stephen King
  • Veins - Drew
  • Apathy and Other Small Victories - Paul Neilan
  • How to Tell a Story and Other Essays - Mark Twain
  • Married With Zombies - Jesse Petersen
  • The Little Prince -  Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
  • How to Live on 24 Hours a Day - Arnold Bennett
  • You Might Be A Zombie And Other Bad News - Cracked.com
  • 250 Things You Should Know About Writing - Chuck Wendig
  • The Serial Killers Club - Jeff Povey
  • A Dog’s Tale - Mark Twain
  • Dead In The Family - Charlaine Harris
  • Dead Reckoning - Charlaine Harris
  • Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard
  • Slaughterhouse 5 - Kurt Vonnegut
  • The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
  • My Wife’s Story - Richard Babcock
  • Minority Report - Philip K. Dick
  • Notes From The Autopsy Of God - Bo Fowler
  • So Now You’re A Zombie: A Handbook For The Newly Undead - John Austin
  • Z is for Zombie - Philip Hansen
  • The Orchid Thief - Susan Orlean

There were so many great books in that list, Cold Comfort Farm was simply delicious, The Alchemist was beautiful and inspiring, Cannery Row was just gorgeous, Under The Dome was a very enjoyable tome, Apathy and Other Small Victories was brilliantly funny, but my top marks for the year go to Slaughterhouse 5, which not only changed my entire perspective on life, but inspired my newest tattoo.

In 2012, I’m aiming for 50 books! :)